Day 30 presents the interesting challenge of writing a poem about something, anything that happens time and time again.  As I thought on this, I realized there were many subjects that might be topical for this poem.  Thinking on that, I think the thing that happens most in my life right now that strikes hardest at my soul is that of learning to live as a part time father.  Maybe it should be a comfort that my angels feel this hurt too?  It doesn’t.

Miss You Already
by Michael Romani

At first, the chaos was in finding
The constant internal reminding
That so many things needed to be done
As a part time father for two
All of this before the setting sun
When the hours always seemed so few

I had never been a father before
And never knew two souls that I so adore
Then with experience this got better
I learned and rode through the stormy weather
Through it all and even this very afternoon
Is the feeling that the time always ends way too soon

My eldest looked at me with sorrow in her eyes
Shadows of my own and as such easy to recognize
Whispering so that I could barely hear her
Taking my hand and cuddling close to confer
"Daddy, I .. I miss you already..."
And I knew I had to be strong and keep steady

But what could I say but what has become our rite
Choking down words as I should and keeping it light
I held her close, eyes half shut in prayer and snuggling
So many strong emotions that I keep awkwardly juggling
"Darling, I love you and I miss you already"
And turned to my youngest, handing her Yellow Teddy

The youngest angel snuggled in on my other side
Beaming her love as I looked at her with deep pride
Together we rode these last moments watching ballet
Prokofiev's Cinderella partly dance and then play
Same smile, same eyes, same dimples as mine
Filled with her youthful fire like sweet sunshine

Suddenly, her playing stopped and she looked at me
With a look that filled my heart with sympathy
"Daddy... I miss you... I miss you already"
Overwhelmed but needing to keep myself steady
"Darling.. I miss you...and I miss you already"
So, I hugged her in closer along with Yellow Teddy

We watched the ballet and laughed at our own jokes
Simple rituals filled with love and little pokes
Each moment seemingly making it harder to breathe
I find myself saying silly things least we all grieve
Each dreading that moment's sadly dreaded arrival
Each finding our own way to reach for our survival

I glance at the alarm and see it's been turned back
I turn to my oldest and ask her for a little slack
As she admits she had added the time that she wanted
Knowing that there was no more, she cleverly punted
And we smile that smile that says that we agree
That time apart makes us each feel just a bit lonely

And now at this very late, sleepless hour
I turn it over again in prayer to God's greater power
Life without my angels seems quiet and empty
And I know that they are the very best part of me
I struggle so hard to not miss their sweet presence
Missing them twice as much in their loud absence

(c) April 30, 2017 Michael Romani