Learning is acquired by reading books; but the much more necessary learning, the knowledge of the world, is only to be acquired by reading man, and studying all the various editions of them. – Lord Chesterfield, statesman and writer (22 Sep 1694-1773)
I have spent a lifetime learning and growing. Most of what I know, I know from books. People skills have never been my forte. It has been the bane of my existence. I struggle with this everyday.
My older sister took another route. She knew horses and people like reading the back of her own hand for the most part. When she was alive, I relied on her judgment a lot. We had sort of an unspoken agreement. I was strong and I was contentious. If anyone touched my sister, they had their regret delivered to them. But, recognizing early on that I sometimes trust in the wrong people, she would look after me as well.
Now that she is gone, I really am not sure how I do this homestretch. I guess the same as I know how to do. I set my eyes on the goals and dreams I have and I work as hard as I can to make these happen. We will see what happens. I’m not smart enough to back down. Then again, she sometimes faulted me for that. Maybe that’s a lesson for another day?
Today, I am going to do my best to encourage anyone reading to learn this lesson and incorporate it into your own lives. People skills are everything really. Whatever you do in life, 90% of it breaks down into human relations. Maybe the reason this resonates with me enough to attempt to speak on this is because I have two little girls who I hope and pray do so much better than I have in life. Maybe someday, they will read this and it will encourage them. Maybe someone else reading this needs to know this as well. As long as there is hope, there is a way. A way to make this world a better place and for all of us to find our better, maybe even best ways.
When I was younger, I spent hours poring over the Harvard Classics, encyclopedias and volumes of books. At first, as impossible as this now seems, I wanted so badly to know everything factual. As I read and read, I found that so very little is ‘factual’. Worse, I learned that the best of facts are only workable pieces of knowledge that come to be replaced when others find more deeply workable pieces of knowledge. All of this is worth hanging onto, but, quite obviously, not the complete picture.
I decided then that I would study philosophy deeper than I had become familiarized with and work on becoming wise. Much to my disturbance, I read over and over again how these allegedly wise men and women seldom agreed and even those who were aligned often took to tearing down each other’s thoughts on what made for wisdom and how we might best live. Hugely, disturbing to me I moved on through system after system and belief after belief until at last I have thrown my faith deeply behind Christianity. It’s a living faith and I learn new things daily from my walk, study, contemplation and prayer. But, most of all it’s a faith that I believe I’ve studied thoroughly enough and found nothing that would substantially change my faith in this. I am and will die a believer.
Back on subject though, book learning is nice and even good. It provides a person with a lot of advantages. What it doesn’t do is teach you the experiences you need that really bring all of this knowledge and attempted wisdom into play. This comes at some expense. That expense, for the good and the bad, is called practical experience. When you learn from that practical experience, every perceived mistake becomes an actual lesson. From these lessons, you grow.
I learned this by making a lot of lessons in my life. Some I apparently needed to learn a time or two or three or.. well, some I am still learning. But, the most valuable lesson that I’ve learned I think is one that should maybe have been the simplest. It’s all about the people. The people you love. The people you don’t. The people who help you. The people who hurt you. If you learn people, you will have this life and this world wired.
That is a lesson that I had to learn very much the hard way. Truth is, I am still learning. Each fail on my part, hurts me immensely. But, I think it is helping me as well. At least, that is my hope. I think that’s a clear underpinning of my professed faith. That we are here not to just learn facts or try to be sophists arguing each other into some proverbial corner. We are here to love one another and encourage and build up and provide comfort where we can in all of life’s many storms.
There is a lot to be said for developing emotional intelligence. This recognition and development of understanding feelings and emotions and how to nurture empathy is I think the key. Now, if only I were better at this. If only, we all were, right?
The advantages seem clear. With a little focus on this, we are more effective. We improve our abilities to communicate, understand and empathize. This outward focus is clearly called for in Christianity.
As practical matter, it’s in developing these things that we being to more successfully interact with others respectfully and develop productive relationships. Doing this minimizes conflicts and maximizes rapport. We all know that rapport is the golden key to making life work best.
As we do this we build our sincerity and trust amongst each other, become less impulsive, and become more agreeable. Odd isn’t it that these things were once called becoming mature, responsible adults?
There is an article in Forbes that details some hints in how to develop all of this.
I am going to work even harder on putting these ideas into effect. I don’t think it will help much in protecting my heart though… Then again? Maybe, just maybe that’s one of those things? We have to be vulnerable to be fully human and engage?
What do you think?
ALOHA PROMISES FOREVER 