Sorry, but I am not sorry.  Some of the best nations in this world came from this the United States, Canada, and all the way down to the tip of South America.  It is a traditional celebration in the United States and should be kept and used to teach the values of patriotism and the things that are right about America including our principles and inclusive nature as well as perhaps teaching the value that others may have opinions that differ from ours without being exclusively wrong.

In that vein, first and foremost:

Secondly, in a bow of respect to part of my heritage as well and those who feel differently about this day, perhaps a bit of humor?  I have found in my life that the best non-exploitative humor has at least a bit of truth in it.